By Kieran Lin Rich – KRich13@bellsouth.net
Utterly baffled. That’s what we were. Wednesday morning Jeff and I stood, shivering violently, in the rental car garage at the airport in Omaha, Nebraska. We had rented a car but, due to a series of unfortunate events, (Belonging to the rental company, not us.) we were still waiting for our car 30 minutes after signing that final, accident insurance, “we can mess up your life so you’d better just accept - or you will die” waiver at the rental counter.
It didn’t help that Wednesday was one of those classically cold, raw days that screams “SPRING” in Nebraska-speak. The weather report when we left home had promised that our trip would be a fair-weather one. So, of course, we believed them and dressed the part of the clueless tourists — wearing t-shirts and light jackets. The report had said nothing about the seemingly gale-force winds that were whipping through the parking garage, making our fingers numb and our faces raw.
But it wasn’t the weather that baffled us. Forecasts get blown all the time. It wasn’t the the speed (Or definite lack thereof.) at which the rental car company was dispatching our car. They already had our money. Why on earth should they feel any urgency?
No, what baffled us was the personnel at the nameless rental car company. Apparently, the bulk of their customer service training was in the fine art of pushing hot dogs.
“Our car wash just got fixed. They’re running your car through right now…would you like a hot dog?”
“I just came from the lot. They’re bringing your car right over. How about a hot dog?”
“We understand that you’re frustrated and have hypothermia, Mrs. Rich. We would like to have the opportunity to make it up to you. Would you like relish on that hot dog?” asked the Head Weiner Pusher.
Ok…so I made up the last one…but we honestly were offered hot dogs by no fewer than three different “Customer Care Specialists” as we stood waiting for our car. Gracious, people! When, and more to the point WHY, did you merge with Oscar Mayer?
In my mind, I pictured their customer service training. I could see a white board full of if/then statements:
IF customer doesn’t get the right car THEN offer them a hot dog.
IF customer’s reservation is lost THEN offer them a hot dog.
IF there is no rental car to be had THEN offer hot dogs ad nauseaum until we are able to build customer a car or at the very least rent a car from Avis.
IF customer got up at 2 AM to get to the airport in time for a 6 AM flight AND they are tired and angry because they have been waiting for half an hour for their car to be washed AND are frozen to the bone because it’s spring in Nebraska THEN offer them a hot dog.
We finally did get our mid-size SUV. And we got it for the price of a compact car because yours truly had a micro-burst of temper after the third hot dog offer. I was good…honest. All I said to the Customer Care Specialist was, “This is getting ridiculous!” And it was.
We drove away from the airport shaking our heads and wondering how it was that a rental car company came to be hot dog pushers. In the “What I Wish I Could Have Said” game that we tend to play after frustrating experiences, Jeff’s best line was, “If I wanted a hot dog, I would have gone to a hot dog stand. I wanted a rental car…that’s why I came to a place that is supposed to rent them!”
And I wished I could have told them in the midst of our long, cold wait we had decided to forgo the SUV entirely and could they please just fork over the keys to the Weinermobile?
So, with the aid of a car rental company and their hot dogs, Jeff and I made yet another lasting memory. We also have a new semi-private joke between us. As I was complaining about a workout injury a few nights ago, Jeff’s sympathetic response was, “Would you like a hot dog?”
Yesterday, we went to a local bookstore to get Jeff some new reading material. I love bookstores and was enjoying my time of simply wandering among the stacks. However, I was totally amazed at the sheer number of self-help, “fix-your-life-by-buying-this-book” books. It was insane.
And then I thought about the talk shows and the vast number of people that believe if they heard it on Oprah, it must be so.
Then my mind jumped to a book that I’m reading. One of the characters is a young teenager who dyes her hair blue and eats until she throws up in a futile effort to fill a fathomless void that she feels in her soul.
And all these things make me ask one question. Why?
Why do we look for answers in the latest self-help book? Why do we believe the gospel of Oprah and shun the Gospel of Jesus Christ? Why do we repeatedly seek forgiveness from those who won’t give it; and yet refuse to confess and ask for absolution from the One who is aching to cleanse us from all unrighteousness? Why do we believe that comfort and security come from friends or family or activity or busy schedules or wealth or possessions or food or alcohol? Why do we look for things where they are not? Just…why?
I’ve spent a lot of my life searching for answers where no answers exist; and peace where only chaos reigns. But there is one rule that I have learned and try really hard to put into practice. Comfort and peace and security and safety and love and about a million other things can be found in the strong arms of Jesus. To look anywhere else seems foolish at best and makes about as much sense as going to a rental car company for a hot dog.
Have a good week but if something does go wrong…just have a hot dog!
1 Comment
March 23, 2009 at 12:39 pm
ROFL – sorry, but the whole hot dog thing was great!
Customer service is not always so hot – and for that I am sorry, but you did make me laugh reading about the rental car company that specializes in hot dogs.