By Kiera Rich – KRich13@bellsouth.net
I grew up in a great neighborhood. No, the houses weren’t particularly fancy and not everyone had a neatly manicured lawn. We had something even better though. TONS of kids who were my age — give a year or two. My brother Darren lived in the room across the hall. Britta, Chelsie, Phil and Mike lived behind us. Wendy lived across the street. Craig, Jeff, and Bruce at the top of the hill. Martha, Peggy, Kristie, and Carrie lived on the corner. Leslie, Robin, Susanne, Michelle, Lance, and Karen lived a few blocks away.
I never lacked for someone to play with and as a group, we never lacked for something to do. We were superheros. We solved mysteries. We turned our bikes into imaginary horses and mythical beasts that whisked us away to foreign lands. To put it mildly, we were a very creative bunch.
One summer, Wendy and I made and then sold Christmas ornaments to our neighbors. (If any of my old neighbors are reading this…I’m very sorry about those ornaments. If you did not immediately throw them away, you are exceptionally kind. Thank you for buying them anyway!)
Another year, we published a newspaper — with very small circulation since we had to hand write and illustrate every issue! We had dog shows and talent shows and opened even opened a zoo one time with amazing exhibits! We had rabbits, a buffalo and an elephant. We had lions and tigers and bears (Oh my!). We even had a shark! Of course, all of our animals were stuffed and many of them were made by Gund but that didn’t stop us. We opened the zoo anyway. It only stayed open for a few days though because we had no customers. Every kid in the neighborhood was “working” at the zoo.
We also played a lot of games. Frisbee football, spud, dodge-ball, soccer, street hockey, football, baseball, pickle, volleyball, hide-n-seek and kick the can. From a young age, I always wanted to win; but yet, I lacked the true “killer” instinct. I was really bad at cheating and I couldn’t stand it if anyone cried.
That was not the case with one boy in the neighborhood. It seemed as if he lived to make everyone miserable. When he played with us, everyone fought about everything. He was famous for changing the rules, without warning, if it suited his purpose. And yet, he was also the self-appointed rules police and made sure that everyone else followed them to the absolute letter. This kid was a bully and just plain mean. Thankfully, he was not part of the “regular-regular” group because there was always a lot of crying whenever he played with us.
And speaking of crying…one girl in my neighborhood, who shall remain nameless, was a complete cry baby. If she didn’t get on the team she wanted, she cried. If someone else didn’t get on her team, she cried. If she was tagged out, she cried. If the sun didn’t shine just perfectly, she cried. Interestingly enough, it was always someone else’s fault. She meticulously set herself up to be the perfect victim and we all let her. Half of our play time, it seemed, was spent trying to keep her happy. Why we didn’t just let her go home and cry is beyond me.
With those two exceptions, we functioned pretty well as a mini-society. When we played games, rules were adapted to give everyone a fair shot at winning. Teams were re-structured if the game became too lopsided. The older kids looked out for the younger kids and made sure they felt capable and important. To this day, I’m absolutely sure that my punt return for a touchdown never would have happened if the older kids had actually tried to tackle me. Looking back, I think they probably looked like something out of “The Keystone Cops Play Football”. But as the youngest player that day, I scored and went home feeling pretty good about things.
There were still problems sometimes. But after some talking and some arguing and a few tears from you know who, things were easily solved with two little words. “Do over!” Someone would yell and we would start the game fresh. Everyone would instantly be focused on the action at hand; and, whatever offense had stopped the game was quickly forgotten.
As 2007 wraps up, I’ve been thinking a lot about do-overs. I was laying in bed last night doing a mental “Year in Review.” There were a lot of highlights. It was my first whole year of being married to Jeff and living in Atlanta. For the first time in many years, I got breakfast in bed on my birthday — followed by some pretty incredible words. “You need to pack a bag. We’re going to go spend the night somewhere.” I started my blog, we adopted Wyatt, a grey tabby with swirls instead of stripes for markings; and, Jeff and I accomplished our long-time goal of playing softball together. Lots of good stuff packed into a year.
There was some bad stuff too. Memories I wish I could change. Words I wish I could take back. Decisions I wish I could make again. There were several times in the last year that I wish I could have yelled, “Do over!” and simply erased whatever it was that I didn’t like.
Unfortunately, my adult mind doesn’t quite work like my kid mind did. I remember things. Ugly things. And they haunt me. Shortly after we were married, Jeff and I attended a marriage conference. It was a very good experience and I believe it has helped us a lot. One of the concepts that I remember the most was presented in one of my “Women only” sessions.
“Your husband and your kids are going to disappoint you,” the presenter said. “That’s a given. The best thing you can do is put the forgiveness eraser to work so you don’t start keeping score.” Very good advice. However, it’s usually not the offenses of others that I carry with me. It’s things I’ve done and said to other people. That’s where my eraser doesn’t quite get the job done.
Some people spend their whole life struggling with alcohol or drugs or other addictions. Sometimes, I think I’m addicted to guilt. It’s such a struggle for me to let myself off the hook. This vice of mine has affected so many areas of my life and it’s something that God and I have been working on for a long time. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
Do I believe that? Absolutely! Do I live it out? I try. I definitely have the “confession” part down. It’s the ”He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins” that I have a problem with.
How arrogant of me to assume that my sins are something God can’t forgive! And if He can forgive me, why can’t I forgive myself? After a lifetime of struggle, I think I’ve finally figured it out. And the answer is really simple. Satan. Forgiveness is a weakness for me. That’s a fact. Satan plays it well. Another fact. And if he can keep me agonizing over all the mistakes I’ve made I will be EXTREMELY busy. So preoccupied in fact, that I’ll never get the work done that God has for me to do. Pretty slick scheme, don’t you think?
Even though I have a pretty good handle on the problem now, I still struggle with solving it because satan is tricky. Like any good hunter, he just keeps changing the bait. I’m not always quick to recognize his schemes but I’m learning. I’m learning a lot.
Most importantly, I’m learning a lot about God. I’m learning about His faithfulness and His forgiveness. I’m learning about His purpose for my life. Incidentally, His purpose has nothing to do with mentally crucifying myself for my sins. God took care of that when He sent Jesus. That’s enough. It is finished. I don’t have to play that game any more.
And so, on the eve (Or the eve before the eve.) of 2008, I’m looking forward to a new year. A fresh start. A new tax folder. A few ”do betters” and a lot of “do overs.”
I’ve never been one for New Year’s resolutions but if I did have one this year, it would simply be this. I, Kiera Rich, will strive to be more like God in all areas of my life; but especially in the area of forgiveness. I will allow myself to use God’s eraser and not let my arrogance allow me to believe that His grace is NOT sufficient for me. Micah 7:19 says, ” You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.”
And that is the perfect “Do over”.
Happy New Year!
1 Comment
December 30, 2007 at 9:45 pm
i think im glad i can’t do over in a way. i’d never be happy enough to leave things alone…