By Kiera(n) Rich – KRich13@bellsouth.net
I was the third patient called to an exam room the last time I was at the doctor. Bob was called in first and then Kathy. I passed the time pleasantly as I stared in mesmerized fascination at both the aquarium full of turtles and the “We now have free wi-fi” sign in the waiting room. Wi-fi? At the doctor’s office? Now there’s a whole new blog subject!
I still managed to keep an ear cocked for my name. “Mrs. Rich?” the nurse finally said. With a sigh, I got up and followed the nurse. Did I sigh because I was not on a first name basis with the nurse or because I was leaving my amphibian friends? No. I sighed because “Mrs. Rich” is a dead give away in the “What in the world is that woman’s name?” game. The nurse took the big-chicken, easy road and didn’t even attempt to pronounce my name. Not that I blame her, I guess.
“What’s so hard about ‘Kiera’?,” you’re probably asking yourself. There is nothing hard about it. However, there is one, tiny, often-over-looked detail. “Kiera” is not my name. My name is Kieran and there’s nothing hard about that name either. However, for some reason that extra “n” tacked on to the end of “Kiera” freaks people out and causes them to twist and mangle and fold and spindle an absolutely beautiful name.
My parents snagged “Kieran” as a baby name after seeing it flash by on the credits of a movie. I never asked if “Kieran” had a leading role or was buried in the credits as “fifth tall girl from the left”. I’m not even sure that my namesake was female as traditionally ”Kieran” is a male name. My grandmother couldn’t stand the name from the beginning. She thought it was ridiculous and refused to call me by it. Instead she opted to call me “Miss Muffet.” Much less ridiculous, don’t you think?
I was an extremely shy little kid and usually didn’t have the courage to correct people, especially adults, who pronounced my name wrong. I pretty much answered to anything that was remotely close. In 6th grade, although I was becoming more comfortable correcting mispronunciations, I decided to give in to societal pressure and simply go by “Karen”. That seemed to be the most popular and least offensive interpretation of my name. That didn’t really work though because I dispised ”Karen” even more than “Kieran”. And things were about to get worse. By the time I started junior high, I absolutely hated my name. My English teacher, Mrs. Morrison, was a big reason why.
From the first day of school, she called me “Kiernan”. Granted, Mrs. Morrison was near the end of her teaching career and decades of putting up with junior high kids had rendered her a few crayons shy of a full box; however, the woman just didn’t get it. I repeatedly corrected her and she repeatedly called me “Kiernan.” I think I would have preferred “Miss Muffet”.
I distinctly remember one of Mrs. Morrison’s spelling tests. We had to correctly spell and use each of our weekly vocabulary words in a sentence. One of my words was loathe. That was an easy one. My sentence was “I loathe my first name.” On my graded paper, I had been marked down half a point on ”loathe”. Even though I had spelled the word correctly, Mrs. Morrison felt my usage of the word was off. She explained her actions by writing, “Kiernan, ‘loathe’ is too strong a word to use in this sentence.” Funny, I didn’t think it was nearly strong enough.
As my first year of junior high came to a close, I was still correcting Mrs. Morrison on the pronunciation of my name and she was still calling me “Kiernan”. Although she was never a favorite of mine, Mrs. Morrison must have truly been a good teacher. By the end of the year she had taught every obnoxious, snickering 7th grade boy in my English class to call me “Kiernan”. Thanks to Mrs. Morrison, I learned several other practical applications for the word “loathe”.
By the time I started high school, I had four girls named ”Lisa” on my soccer team and had actually started to appreciate the fact that I had an unusual name. Of course, there were still problems. My high school English teacher (Why is it always the English teachers?) called roll on the first day of school. After completely killing my name, he asked “Are you the exchange student from Denmark?” No, but I’d like to be! Maybe the Dane’s could figure out how to pronounce “Kieran”.
When I met my husband, he began calling me “Kiera”. Although, he was perfectly capable of pronouncing “Kieran”, he wanted me to have a special nickname. Luckily, he did not choose “Kiernan” as our friendship would have ended right there.
So for years, Jeff called me “Kiera”, and my closest friends called me “Kieran”. When I taught Sunday school at my old church, our first day of class each year included a lesson on how to correctly pronounce “Kieran”. So every 3rd, 4th & 5th grader called me by name but many of their parents continued to call me “Karen”, “Kiernan”, “Koran”, “Kiersten”, “Kiran”, “Korine” or my personal favorite “Kliernan.” Yes folks, that’s “Kiernan” with an “L”.
As my relationship with Jeff progressed from friendship to dating, I planned a trip to Georgia to see him. “How do you want me to introduce you?” he asked. Good question. I had the opportunity for a fresh start. Did I want to stay true to my self and go through the hassle of explaining my name and attempting to teach a whole new group of people how to say it? Or did I simply want to go by “Kiera” and by-pass the whole rotten mess?
The answer to that burning question came as I was preparing for my visit with Jeff. I went to the optical store to pick up a box of contacts. The helpful lady at the desk, who honestly looked a lot like old Mrs. Morrison, asked me my name. I told her it was unusual and then I spelled it for her. Slowly.
She tapped on her keyboard and then began to sigh. I spelled it for her again. She continued the sigh/tap pattern. She couldn’t find my name. That much was apparent. I thought I would be helpful and spell my name one final time. After I spelled it out again she stopped typing and sighing, looked up at me and asked “Are you sure?”
Say what??? I honestly started looking around for the candid camera. Granted, spelling was never my best subject but yes, I am fairly sure of how to spell my own name! Three days later, when I went to church with Jeff for the first time, he introduced me to his friends as “Kiera”.
I’ve had a few complications from my unofficial name change. People I’ve been close to for a long time aren’t quite sure what to call me. The general rule of thumb is ”If you can pronounce it correctly, you may use ’Kieran’.” The other complication has come from a little boy at our church. His name is “Kieran”. Last summer, I had the privilege to play softball with Kieran’s dad. One day as we were practicing, his dad yelled, “Kieran! Quit throwing dirt!” My head snapped around violently as I tried to figure out how I’d inadvertently thrown dirt at someone and it took me a minute to realize that the “Kieran” in question has dark curly hair and is about 4 years old. Upon further conversation with his dad, I learned that people call Kieran “Karen” too. Kieran has a lot of correcting and explaining ahead of him; but, some day I hope he will be as happy with his unusual name as I am. I think he’ll be fine as I am absolutely positive that Mrs. Morrison has finally retired.
Isaiah is one of my favorite books in the Bible. There is so much tradition and history and wisdom packed into those pages. Isaiah 43:1 says, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” How amazing is that? God, who formed the earth and the moon and the stars and all of creation, knows my name. Unusual or common or downright wacky, He knows our name and He has called us. Every one of us! Not just Abraham or Mary or Martin Luther King or Jonas Salk or the rich and famous. God knows every one of us by name and we are His. I don’t know about you; but, that thought gives me a lot of comfort.
Many years ago, I watched the final episode of “Cheers” on TV. I can’t say that I thought the show was amazing. Still, I tuned in faithfully every week because I loved the theme song entitled “Where Everybody Knows Your Name”. Haven’t heard of the song? Listen to it here. The words of the song present such a great concept. Wouldn’t you like to go where everybody knows your name? I think, in my narrow-windowed, fully-human concept of Heaven, it will be a place where everyone knows you and is always glad to see you and always pronounces your name correctly. And I will be “Kieran” again. Forever.
1 Comment
June 10, 2008 at 8:30 am
I too like Kieran loathed my middle name “madyne” which was my mother’s middle name. I went for years being embarrassed when having to use it.Comments like : Where did you get THAT name” or “Who named you THAT. But I just didn’t want to hurt my mother as I was named after her.
But one day when I finally saw my birth certificate it said Nadine iinstead of Madyne and mom told me the person that filled it out done it wrong . So to my relief I said that I guess should use Nadine since it was on my certificate.I have been Nadine most of my life.
Now my sweet little mother has passed . When I needed a screen name for my e-mail the name Madyne came to mind without much hesitation..So I will be “Madyne” on-line. Forever
Thank you for the story.
Thank You for the story